Three long very hard weeks filled with lots of emotions :-(

Once again I've dipped in and out of this and not finished! Just don't seem to have the time or energy! However, things are starting to look better at last! We are on holiday at the moment in the Isle of wight so my next blog will be about that! More positive i hope! Sorry if this one is all doom and gloom!! Just my feelings at the time of writing! 

Ok So I haven't written for the few two weeks as to be honest its just been awful! Its been so bad living it I just haven't wanted to re live it on paper. The evenings come and I just want to try and switch off for a bit and not think about it as whenever me and Simon do get to talk its about Evie so the time I do have to myself Ive just wanted to relax the best I can, which in my case usually means tea and loads of chocolate! When I'm anxious / stressed / worried i always want to eat crap so I do. If it makes me feel better for a few minutes then its totally worth it.  

Ive been just waiting and hoping that she will get better in herself like she did in the first couple of weeks but unfortunately she just hasn't. In fact she has got even worse and most days she just feels so poorly with no energy and just wants to sit on the sofa wrapped up in her blanket and watch TV. She feels so cold in herself again, no energy and her skin is red dry and flaky as always. Sometimes she has weepy oozing patches and her sleep is still disturbed every night. I cannot remember the last time she slept through. Months and months ago. It really is just miserable for her and us all having to witness it. 

Like Ive said before Evie being ill has a tremendous affect on us all. Its the summer holidays but we haven't been able to do much at all and my other two children have really missed out on days out etc. It feels like groundhog day and we are stuck doing the same thing day in day out. Luckily we do have family close by so they have taken them out sometimes and that really helps to get them away from the home situation. Evie gets frustrated and so do I at times. We are too alike and end up shouting and screaming at each other as we are so both frustrated with the situation. She is fed up with me and at times I'm fed up with her! Honestly every day I go through every emotion going, happy, sad, angry, tearful, hopeful, amused, fuming, let down, frustrated etc etc i could go on and on! 

All of these emotions are really taking their toll on me and i feel like I'm going to explode sometimes. From the moment she gets up its just constant and like most mums i feel i need to escape! I can't even pop to the shops with them all or go to the park etc as Evie feels too unwell to go. So I have a serious case of cabin fever. What i have done a couple of times is go to the supermarkets once they are in bed so i can just have some me time! Sounds so silly but its lovely strolling around empty supermarkets late at night! Just gets me away from the home situation! I have also met with a friends a couple of times for a few much needed drinks!! the problem is I feel so drained and tired I don't feel like going out most of the time even when i can! I also find i don't want to see people as they will ask about Evie and sometimes its the last thing i want to do as all my emotions will come flooding out and I just want to forget about it for a while.

On top of all of this with Evie we have had to say goodbye to one of our cats and are trying to re home the other as Evie is allergic to them. Its been so hard for us doing this as they have been part of the family for 12 years now! So all in all not a good few weeks for us at all :-(